There has probably been at least one moment for you when you felt like you didn't exactly "fit". Whether it was in high school, starting a new job, at a church, in your own family, or in the world in general. Sometimes it's wonderful that you don't fit! You stand out and are the beautiful rose among thorns. You are a light in the darkness. Other times, however, it feels more like being an outsider. You might be a weed in the garden, a swan among ducklings. You feel as though you're intruding, unwanted, or just utterly alone surrounded by millions of people. It's this that I'm talking about when I say I don't fit, this is how I find my place...
I was talking with a friend one night and I told her how I feel like I don't fit... I don't fit in the singles ward in my church, but I don't fit in the family ward. I don't fit with people my age and I don't fit with the older or younger generations either. I don't fit with the widows with kids, the widows of war heroes, or with the divorcés. I don't fit with the seasoned teachers and I don't fit with the newbies... I just don't fit. I don't have that calm reassurance that everything fits together, that I fit in this crazy unpredictable world. The peace that used to fill my days and nights no longer surrounds me... Why? Because a piece of my soul is gone from where he should be. Instead of holding the small children that should be in my arms; I'm left clasping my hands in prayer begging for normalcy.
As I try to see where I fit, especially with dating, I discover all the places where I would have fit... But because I have a past I'm not even given the chance to fit. I'm left wandering from hole to hole on the puzzle, hoping that one day I'll find that place where my puzzle piece will fit nicely. Until that day that I can be reunited with my other piece; when I can fit perfectly into the place God had been preparing for me since the beginning of my soul. So instead of places where I fit perfectly, I find places where I can fit. It may be tough going, but finding the places where I can have fun, I can be myself. Those are the moments when all the trying is worth it.
I have also started to discover that I am not a corner piece or a side piece where there are limited choices and the structure set. I am a middle piece with many different facets and parts that define me and who I am. Sometimes that means that the place where I am meant to fit hasn't been filled in yet and is just a blank canvas and I need to create or find the pieces that go around me to fill it. In life, when we don't fit we try new things; meet new people; interact more with coworkers, family, etc. so that we do fit. I slowly shape myself by changing and going through life, adapting, becoming better, and just overall becoming who I am meant to be. I also change the situations around me by talking with others creating relationships, getting help when I need it, going on adventures, literally changing where I'm at. I do all of this so that I can better help shape the world (and the puzzle) for the better filling in those blank spaces with joy, happiness, inclusion, and hard work.
I try puzzle piece after puzzle piece to find the ones that will match my corners and ridges. As one puzzle piece of a whole, I find it difficult and overwhelming sometimes, but it's ALWAYS worth it! Occasionally I find pieces that fit one side or another. I find friends, jobs, coworkers, puppies, houses, neighborhoods, wards, etc. that all fit with who I want to become. Other times I find pieces I want to fit and I change myself (or my puzzle piece) so that I can add that to my life. I might not fit all that I want to just yet, but one day I will... and when that day happens I will find that this hard part of my life helped define and give me the strength to get there. I have hope, I have determination, and I have the willpower to make that happen.
That's just it isn't it? The fact that I still have hope. I don't give up. The fact that I keep trying my puzzle piece in spot after spot in the puzzle, trying to match up my sides with others, not giving up just because the last 200 haven't worked. I have hope because I know that God has a plan for me, I know that one day everything will fit. This plan is essential for me to have hope, and for you to have hope in those dark moments. It gives you that peace that you long for and the strength to keep trying your puzzle piece. When the day happens for me, when everything finally fits together, I will know it's because I didn't give up when it was hard, even if I wanted to. So what are you going to do? How are you going to find the strength to persevere through the loneliness and hard times? What pieces have you found that do fit? Where are you going to place your puzzle piece in this crazy world?
As I try to see where I fit, especially with dating, I discover all the places where I would have fit... But because I have a past I'm not even given the chance to fit. I'm left wandering from hole to hole on the puzzle, hoping that one day I'll find that place where my puzzle piece will fit nicely. Until that day that I can be reunited with my other piece; when I can fit perfectly into the place God had been preparing for me since the beginning of my soul. So instead of places where I fit perfectly, I find places where I can fit. It may be tough going, but finding the places where I can have fun, I can be myself. Those are the moments when all the trying is worth it.
I have also started to discover that I am not a corner piece or a side piece where there are limited choices and the structure set. I am a middle piece with many different facets and parts that define me and who I am. Sometimes that means that the place where I am meant to fit hasn't been filled in yet and is just a blank canvas and I need to create or find the pieces that go around me to fill it. In life, when we don't fit we try new things; meet new people; interact more with coworkers, family, etc. so that we do fit. I slowly shape myself by changing and going through life, adapting, becoming better, and just overall becoming who I am meant to be. I also change the situations around me by talking with others creating relationships, getting help when I need it, going on adventures, literally changing where I'm at. I do all of this so that I can better help shape the world (and the puzzle) for the better filling in those blank spaces with joy, happiness, inclusion, and hard work.
I try puzzle piece after puzzle piece to find the ones that will match my corners and ridges. As one puzzle piece of a whole, I find it difficult and overwhelming sometimes, but it's ALWAYS worth it! Occasionally I find pieces that fit one side or another. I find friends, jobs, coworkers, puppies, houses, neighborhoods, wards, etc. that all fit with who I want to become. Other times I find pieces I want to fit and I change myself (or my puzzle piece) so that I can add that to my life. I might not fit all that I want to just yet, but one day I will... and when that day happens I will find that this hard part of my life helped define and give me the strength to get there. I have hope, I have determination, and I have the willpower to make that happen.
That's just it isn't it? The fact that I still have hope. I don't give up. The fact that I keep trying my puzzle piece in spot after spot in the puzzle, trying to match up my sides with others, not giving up just because the last 200 haven't worked. I have hope because I know that God has a plan for me, I know that one day everything will fit. This plan is essential for me to have hope, and for you to have hope in those dark moments. It gives you that peace that you long for and the strength to keep trying your puzzle piece. When the day happens for me, when everything finally fits together, I will know it's because I didn't give up when it was hard, even if I wanted to. So what are you going to do? How are you going to find the strength to persevere through the loneliness and hard times? What pieces have you found that do fit? Where are you going to place your puzzle piece in this crazy world?
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