Something I've discovered over and over again is that even though life is hard, it makes me strong. I may hate the struggle, I may hate the fact that others choices affect me, and I might hate the pain; but I love the growth, I love the increase in understanding, and I definitely love the strength!
I've had so many people tell me "Shae, you're so strong." But I don't feel like that. I feel like I just do what anyone would do when you lose your spouse, or discover those you trust have betrayed you. I move forward and I don't give up. I refuse to be a victim of my circumstances. I refuse to become a shell of a person controlled by what is expected or by emotions of anger and betrayal. I am not strong... But that doesn't mean I don't have strength. I find strength in my friends, religion, family, and God. I find strength all around me... But I definitely find strength in the fact that I'm still here. I find strength in the fact that every new struggle and trial I go through I discover a new piece of myself.
I know that I have become prepared for whatever the future holds. I know that through the trials and excruciatingly painful times I have become someone who can survive. The more hard times I go through and the harder life becomes the easier it is... does that make sense? The harder life had become for me, the more difficult my circumstances became I felt it was easier and easier to survive. I felt that as I fought harder to live and to find reasons to live it became easier to do so, even though the situations rarely, if ever, improved. It's like... Training for a marathon. When you first start out it's exhausting and so hard to even walk the distance... But as you become stronger you eventually become able to run for longer than a marathon... With enough training marathons become easy.
In the LDS church, we believe that after this life we continue to grow and progress. We believe that you can become like God. Can you just imagine what someone like us would have to do to even approach what God is? Can you even imagine what God did to become who he is? What kind of person is needed to control that much power and to do it with love and compassion... What do you think God needs to see from us to trust us with that? I Believe that he needs to see that we can do this. We can survive the relatively small a amount of time we have here. He needs to see that we can run the marathon before he asks is to take on more responsibility. But he promises to help... He promised us that there will be nothing given to us that we cannot handle... With his help.
So of course we all know that life is hard! We're all going through it! But isn't it great that it is?
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